Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

-- Mark Twain

You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.

Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.

Never laugh at live dragons.

-- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]

Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.

The Least Successful Collector

Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She

was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had

amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the

works of Shakespeare.

One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond

legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The

remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.

The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned

the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the

French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.

-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

Don't get to bragging.

You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

-- by Charles Dickens

A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.

The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)

-- by Franz Kafka

A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.

Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)

-- by J. R. R. Tolkien

Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.

Hamlet LITE(tm)

-- by Wm. Shakespeare

A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy

girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The

absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me

Deadpan Allie and lie.

-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"

Tempt not a desperate man.

-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"

Is that really YOU that is reading this?

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first

half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and

pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who

hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice

for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time

during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it

but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.

-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

You will be held hostage by a radical group.

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

-- Shakespeare, "King Lear"

A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.

Q: What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?

A: The same middle name.

Communicate! It can't make things any worse.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number

GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,

of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally

left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....

consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1

Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.

-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1

[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when

referring to I/O system services.]