Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?

A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!

You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.

Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.

You need more time; and you probably always will.

Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I

will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all

Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they

teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!

-- Charles Dickens

There are more things in heaven and earth,

Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.

This was the most unkindest cut of all.

-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining

and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

-- Mark Twain

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often

picturesque liar."

-- Mark Twain

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools

that think they are truffles.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Q: What do you call the scratches that you get when a female

sheep bites you?

A: Ewe nicks.

Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

My only love sprung from my only hate!

Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"

You enjoy the company of other people.

You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.