Things past redress and now with me past care.

-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"

Q: What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?

A: A doberman.

You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely

larger than others.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?

A: An offer you can't understand.

It's all in the mind, ya know.

Let me take you a button-hole lower.

-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the

experience. (Actually, Californians don't screw in

light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all

those Californians trying to share the experience.

Q: What is purple and commutes?

A: An Abelian grape.

You need more time; and you probably always will.

Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.

-- Hunter S. Thompson

You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

-- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?

A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?

A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?

A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?

A: The door won't shut.

Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?

A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.

An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

Q: How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?

A: Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.

Some think it is the voice of God.

-- Mark Twain