Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?

A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.

Q: How long does it take?

A: It's indeterminate.

It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.

Q: What happens if you've got TWO flats?

A: They replace your generator.

Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.

Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into

use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather

which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

-- Mark Twain

You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.

You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.

Let me take you a button-hole lower.

-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

Advancement in position.

Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

Your lucky number has been disconnected.

Q: Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?

A: Lawn Boy.

Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?

A: The Titanic had a band.

Q: Why did the WASP cross the road?

A: To get to the middle.

You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened

or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I

cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to

go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

-- Mark Twain

This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A: A stick.

Be cheerful while you are alive.

-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.