If we're wondering whether someone is right for us or not, here are a set of questions to ask ourselves in order to tease out their true appropriateness.
We can ask the following of them:
- Can this person apologise for their problematic sides?
- Do they have a keen sense of their flaws?
- Can they accept criticism?
- Are they keen to improve themselves in a psychological sense? Do they know that progress in emotional maturity is desirable or possible?
- Can they say sorry, warmly and generously?
- Can they tolerate flaws, your flaws?
- Do they have a rich interpretive model of where flaws come from?
- Are they curious about the details of your inner life, especially events before you were nine?
- Are they comfortable revealing to you when they are upset? Can they be brave enough to share their disappointments? Can they ask for repair when you damage things inadvertently?
- Can they laugh at themselves and at you with generosity and sympathy at the obvious chaos and disappointment of being human?
- Are they curious about the details of your inner life, especially events before you were nine?
- Are they comfortable revealing to you when they are upset? Can they be brave enough to share their disappointments? Can they ask for repair when you damage things inadvertently?
- Can they laugh at themselves and at you with generosity and sympathy at the obvious chaos and disappointment of being human?
- Can they reveal the intensity of their fears and longings?
- Are they able to access the little version of themselves?
- Can they allow you to parent their younger self occasionally?
- Can they parent your younger self occasionally?
- Can you be mummy and daddy to each other, as it were, when needed?
- Are they patient with, and curious about, the madness of the human mind?
- Have they made their peace with imperfection?
What the test reveals is that to a strange and important extent, we're not looking for someone who is objectively impressive or ideal, we're trying to hone in on a fellow broken individual who can like us in our own secret complexity and whose admitted strangeness we, in turn, can embrace and be comforted by.
That might be what love truly is. ❤️
Source: The School of Life
GM #nostr 🌄
"In order to make a pile of money, you have to spend a period of time where you look like an idiot."
Eric Weinstein
GM #nostr 🌄
"How do you defeat evil? You defeat the evil in your own heart."
Jordan Peterson
I've always voted, but I'm coming to the opinion that not voting is, in itself, a vote. It's a vote against the current system.
GM #nostr 🌅
“There’s a worthy and noble ambition: strength in the face of adversity. That is very different from the wish for a life free of trouble.”
Jordan Peterson
GM #nostr 🌄
“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Elizabeth Stone
It didn’t change everything, but I find the relationship between trees and mycelium fascinating. Trees use the mycelium network, also known as the "wood wide web," to communicate and share resources underground. They can exchange nutrients, water, and even chemical signals through this network, which helps them survive and thrive in their environment. 🌳🍄
GM #nostr 🌅
“Shut down the media for 30 days and watch how fast 90% of our problems disappear.”
Amanda Softstar
GM #nostr 🌄
"The obedient always think about themselves as virtuous, rather than cowardly."
Robert Anton Wilson
https://youtu.be/nOubjLM9Cbc?si=rb3-5SgHE0Sju18k
#tunestr #music
This happens when you start dating someone. You tend to fill in the gaps with the things you want that person to be.
For the proton users:
https://restoreprivacy.com/protonmail-discloses-user-data-leading-to-arrest-in-spain/
#privacy
😞
GM #nostr 🌅
"I've always felt that effective people realise life is a video game - whereas everyone else sits back and acts like life is a movie."
Julian Shapiro
😂
nostr:note1fuwmxc8tjl7qxyl5wzfmqhq7f0q6mkd3cnwc6fgshfzvlg8w7jus4xq4m6
“Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.”
Ayn Rand
GM #nostr 🌄
“Every product is either a vitamin or a pain killer. Products are consumed either proactively (vitamin) or reactively (pain killer).”
Alex Lieberman
This is a great story.