My wife and daughter are scared stiff of spiders. Every time they see one in the house, I have the job of catching it and putting it outside. Ever since I read that putting them outside basically kills them, I just re-release them in a different room.
When someone sits next to me at the train station, bus stop, or park bench, I just stare straight ahead and say "it's done. Did you bring the money?" They usually freeze before apologising and making an excuse to leave.
Infosec job. Wrote a report every day saying they need to spend money to fix a, b, c or they'll get hacked. Got ignored for 18 months, they got hacked. Fired me. Took all my daily reports to the tribunal and fucked them for an absolute fortune. Guess who the hacker was.
Years ago, I went to a birthday party in a small town. I went to a general store and asked if they had balloons. The fellow said yes. I asked if they had any in fun shapes and he said, "depends on how amusing you find circular". For some reason that's lived in my brain for years.
I don't know why but I'm obsessed with a "drink driving advice" forum, I never drink drive but seeing some of the situations people get themselves into is pure schadenfreude
Me, ~13 years old, faking sick again. "Sinus headaches". Weeks go by. Sparse attendance. I triple down on the con. More weeks and I'm on a gurney, in a gown, confessing to my mom. She doesn't buy it and they put me under for the operation. I've not faked it since.
Landed dream job as a firefighter. Got the job after three months application process another three months basic training and lasted six hours. Fatal car crash with a dad and his daughters in it fucked me up. Just told my mates pay wasn't good enough. Now stack shelves.
I have friends who send long, rambly voicenotes. I always tell them "weird, that came through corrupted, what did you say in it?" and it turns out they CAN form a coherent thought and type it out.
For 14 years my husband drove a Vauxhall Astra. Great driver, patient and respectful. Two months ago he bought a BMW and he's turned into a complete cunt when driving. I'm considering divorce.