There is no such thing as a “decent” trump voter.

Me: connects to the wrong Bluetooth speaker once

iPhone: (forever) You wanna pair with that fridge again, huh? Go ahead, jam out in the kitchen. Fucking moron.

What I Go to School For has to be the catchiest pop song song about statutory rape

Man, if Trump doesn’t start behaving soon Mitt Romney’s gonna almost imperceptibly purse his lips in mild disapproval and THEN they’ll be SORRY

good news: we’ve raised $100 million in funding. bad news: our entire platform is still just a google doc and a powerpoint slide with the word ‘agentic’ on it in wordart

“if voting were actually effective, would they really let us do it?” - every smug asshole who thinks reading Das Kapital (Abridged) once is a personality

Excited to announce that I am now valued at $5,000,000,000,000 because my pitch deck says I’m a robotics company not a journalist

Trump hit the limit on his voter base when he lost in 2020. Unless he’s found an untapped vein of new white people, he’s maxed out. The Lite Supremacist path to victory was hoping the dems stayed home this time, and Harris put an end to that shit.

That’s it. That’s the game.

dentist: open wide

me: unhinging jaw like a fucking snake or some shit

dentist: immediately aroused

obviously the cowardly lion would be MAGA, no debate. also definitely gaston, uncle vernon, and the Mel Gibson rooster from chicken run. facts don’t care about your feelings.

time to pack it in folks, old mate’s cracked the case

If Elon Musk ran Amazon you’d order next-day shipping and get the wrong fucking product three years too late

“Downfall”

It’s genuinely so fucking problematic that after you run the dishwasher you also have to unload it

if you think the government is hiding weather control, wait till you see what they’re hiding in the McDonald’s McRib formula. TRUTH

Jesus: so I’ve multiplied the loaves and fishes and there’s enough food for everyone

modern christians: “this is SOCIALISM. i’ll bring my OWN bread, fuck you”

republican voters are so easy to grift you could slap an eagle sticker on a bottle of piss, call it “constitution juice,” and they’d mortgage their house to buy a year’s supply, dumbest motherfuckers who ever drew breath

🇺🇦 Ukraine: journalist dies in Russian custody, Ukraine approves Tax increase https://www.theindex.media/ukraine-journalist-dies-in-russian-custody-ukraine-approves-tax-increase/

‘Feed the World’ was just ‘Feed the Birds’ from Mary Poppins with more guilt trips and less actual feeding

Bold of us to expect a peaceful transition of power from the GOP, a party that’s been working overtime to make sure nobody transitions anywhere