nostr:npub1qfkcklnmes45z75y7y8dkud5yll8vp5eq5ysk9rmgqdxeasv8unsrfj6kq i would like to feel secure in the knowledge that i have purpose. the only thing i know of that actually does that is religion.

nostr:npub1qfkcklnmes45z75y7y8dkud5yll8vp5eq5ysk9rmgqdxeasv8unsrfj6kq i resort to philosophy sometimes, when it gets to this point, but also, i want a solution

nostr:npub1qfkcklnmes45z75y7y8dkud5yll8vp5eq5ysk9rmgqdxeasv8unsrfj6kq i can see how it would do that - the focus is less on you and more on bigger things

nostr:npub1jwad52atwl6zxgu9uaqz42k7xdffajm8njphyar28c974c2d37sqsekrq5 so that was my first choice, and the other options feel rather hollow to me

nostr:npub1jwad52atwl6zxgu9uaqz42k7xdffajm8njphyar28c974c2d37sqsekrq5 i think i knew what felt meaningful to me early on - to participate, to be included, to be loved - other people

in such a position, the temptation is to knock the whole chess board over.

as a chess piece that was struck off the board of life, i wake up every day, somehow still alive, and wonder what i'm going to do, seeing as i'm still here, 365 days a year, until i die. no one has answers. i don't have one either.

if life is a game of chess, and i'm a piece, i've been struck off the board. i'm watching the game play out but i'm not included in it anymore. i'm a spectator, unable to participate, because if you're not on the board, you're no longer relevant to the game. there is no rule in chess that allows for a piece to enter the board again later on. you had your position and you played it wrong, and now you're out. so what do you do? no one can answer.

if life is a game of chess, and i'm a piece, i've been struck off the board. i'm watching the game play out but i'm not included in it anymore. i'm a spectator, unable to participate, because if you're not on the board, you're no longer relevant to the game. there is no rule in chess that allows for a piece to enter the board again later on. you had your position and you played it wrong, and then you're out.

nostr:npub13wfgha67mdxall3gqp2hlln7tc4s03w4zqhe05v4t7fptpvnsgqs0z4fun damn it, someone saw this post before it got deleted, edited, and posted again, lol

the post you're replying to is gone now, at least as far as the Mastodon network is concerned

it's easier to be a nerd when you're a natural introvert. then you just simply stay away from people and you're happy with that.

it's more difficult when you actually want friends to have fun with. when there's more of an extroverted side. because you want friends but the social skills...

i'm more of a frustrated extrovert than a genuine introvert.

it's easier to be a nerd when you're a natural introvert. then you just simply stay away from people and you're happy with that.

it's more difficult when you actually want friends to have fun with. that there's more of an extroverted side. because you want friends but the social skills...

playfulness is so important for creative genius, so when i see a lack of it in a brainy type, i always end up trying to tease it out of them, but they just get angry

somehow, i've ended up being the Pinkie to a Brain

the Bert to an Ernie

the Spongebob to a Squidward

somehow, i've ended up being the Pinkie to a Brain

two grown adults who never met before trying to get along on a day-to-day basis is a fucking nightmare. and i'm talking about a guy i met online who is very communicative, that i'm trying to be friends with. i can't imagine what it would be like to date a woman my age. you see straight through people so you don't let them get away with any nonsense, but so do they, so it boils down to "will my fully developed complex personality get along with this other fully developed complex personality without anyone having to walk on eggshells?" and the answer is usually no. finding friends when you're young is only easy because you're not being honest with yourself and others. when you're 4, you can play with just about anyone. when you're 40, it's a lot harder.

two grown adults who never met before trying to get along on a day-to-day basis is a fucking nightmare. and i'm talking about a guy i met online who is very communicative. i can't imagine what it would be like to date a woman my age. you see straight through people so you don't let them get away with any nonsense, but so do they, so it boils down to "will my fully developed complex personality get along with this other fully developed complex personality without anyone having to walk on eggshells?" and the answer is usually no.

maybe i should just set up an instance that simply is commercial flat out. you pay a subscription to use it. it has a .com domain with a commercial-sounding name. and if there are inquiries, i do what i can to assist. no ideology or things getting too personal. it's just business. vivaldi.social is almost like that since it's run by a commercial vendor, except the product is free of charge, and they make their money in other ways.

i like Veritasium a lot more than Vsauce. the Vsauce dude has the creepiest death stare.

chicken noodle soup ready