I have a whale tattooed on my butt.

It used to be a dolphin.

He used to teach origami, but, there was too much paperwork.

It’s a beautiful day. Lots of people out walking their phones.

I just bought an answering machine, but what should I ask it?

Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party, that you didn't attend.

Why does opportunity knock?

Can’t it just text like everybody else?