I might care more about Twilight if Count Chocula was in it.

I'm guessing that most people who claim to "count calories" are really bad at math.

Even the crickets are left speechless by the awkward silences I create.

I apologize to everyone that I've ever offended.

Just kidding. Could you imagine?

https://www.theepochtimes.com/science/over-1600-scientists-sign-no-climate-emergency-declaration-5482554?utm_source=Morningbrief&src_src=Morningbrief&utm_campaign=mb-2023-08-30&src_cmp=mb-2023-08-30&utm_medium=email&est=88ZeyoH9l8Fp2aWiy7pWjUJfhqdEt6tMk7FcqAfaRaB2T9cZvdYMKmHpUwI%2BshNG2wzr

The human body can survive 28 days without food, but only 11 minutes without Internet.

Just a heads up guys, M. Night Shyamalan dug a hole in my backyard and has been filming Mark Wahlberg yelling at it for 6 months now.

nostr:npub10h994g5ftuq5sn8ze3u8h2rrdysqgj4627r8qc3h4k6twpn5q88q0vcmfp Oh yeah. I am in Tennessee this week and the area is crawling with them! 😂

https://youtu.be/De0or00vr0E

nostr:npub1n28sjzm6qfxulruwy5l99krz93uk046m8eklquxf8cqvme75zngqykvyjn 😂

I love the snow. Some of my best friends are flakes.

You said you run for fun? You know we have the internet now, right?

I tried and I tried, and I'd almost given up any hope of winning the Annual Flatulence Contest... but then I got my second wind...

Music tours that should have happened:

Ratt/Poison

Queen/Prince

The Who/Guess Who

Styx/The Stones

The Cars/Motörhead/Traffic

Usher/At The Drive-In

Def Leppard/Glass Tiger/White Lion

The Grass Roots/The Doobie Brothers

Green Jelly/The Jam

Sheriff/Lobo/The Police

Edison Lighthouse/Tesla

Breathe/Weezer

Black Sabbath/Judas Priest

The office supplier gave us some cheap toilet paper and now we've got a real mess on our hands.

🎶Why do birds suddenly appear

Every time you are there?

Just like me, you have worms

In your hair🎶