Your point is also correct. Some people are just plain simple players and jerks. But some, by the way they talk, respond and the energy we can feel they send out, are definitely still the abusers getting a kick out from the reaction of people.
Discussion
this is accurate.
but speaking from my own experience, the times i became most hurtful (through shutdown, withdrawal, dismissal, etc.) were the times that i was hurting and/or protecting my ego.
it wasn't intentional—it was a reactive pattern that i hadn't recognized. i wasn't able to be vulnerable with my partner because being vulnerable was punished in my early experiences. and because i was being protective and framing myself as a victim, i wasn't able to give love or receive it.
this doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does offer insight about how hurt people hurt people...
and i think the more malicious people take advantage of this.