OK everyone, you can call off the search, bring in the dogs, put the flashlights and walkie-talkies away, and inform the media outlets. I know things were getting pretty desperate and I personally wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out, but after heroic perseverance and great effort I am pleased to say this morning I found my chapstick.

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I just keep buying new ones and end up with a collection of them anytime I clean up