Oh, you mean the relays should be configurable? Yeah, I agree, but that's what the arguing has been about, lately, as the clients seem to be dragging their feet on allowing that.

That would be the "broadcast" parameter, here:

wss://filter.nostr.wine/npub1m4ny6hjqzepn4rxknuq94c2gpqzr29ufkkw7ttcxyak7v43n6vvsajc2jl?broadcast=true&global=all

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Yes, and I think this broadcast=true&global=all should be set by default unless explicitly requested by the client to keep the note on this relay only.

Have to properly implement NIP-11 and NIP-42 and that doesn't seem persistent across clients.

I think you got it a bit wrong. My proposal is that relays propagate notes automatically, unless the client tels them not to.