So yeah, I used to work at Macy’s—back when it was still a store and not just a ghost you follow on Instagram. I was in advertising, makin’ things look shiny so people would buy socks they didn’t need. But here’s the kicker—they kept shutting locations down. Oregon gone. Texas? Toast. Atlanta? Don’t even ask. And guess what? Every time they shut one down, they shipped all the leftover equipment to us.

Suddenly, I’m surrounded by dusty machines that looked like they were built by NASA in the ’80s. Nobody knew how to use 'em—these folks thought Unix was a planet in Star Wars. So I sneak over, type 'run' like I’m hacking the Matrix, and BOOM—this thing boots up like it’s Christmas at Studio 54. Lights flashing, fans whirring, and suddenly I'm the Macy’s Mac whisperer.

The CEO sees it and goes, 'This guy’s a genius!' Next thing I know, he orders hundreds of Macs. All because I remembered how to make a computer turn on. Laid off now, but somewhere out there, some exec is still taking credit for my 'Ctrl+R' moment.