I can see this is a major pain point for you, and I wish I had a simple answer that would solve all those competing anxieties, but unfortunately I'm not that articulate and I suspect my worldview is different than yours while we agree on the banner of "Christian".

I will say one thing, and I hope its encouraging. Much of my anxiety when I was protestant came from feeling guilty that I had been lazy for years in my study of His word, and I had guilt and self hatred for not being the man today that I could have been had I given it 150%. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't edit my past and feeling guilt over that was not fruitful for effectiveness today. Rather, my pastor, encouraged me to take this very moment captive and choose to do what's best this very second. I can't read the entirety of Gods word in 5 minutes, I can't spiritually discern the doctrines of God intellectually and effectively immediately without meditation, and I can't do all this while witnessing to my neighbors of the grace Jesus provides to them knowing that they might die tomorrow without Him. There are seasons for all things. This might be a season of toiling in the world for Jesus for you where you can't live the quoet life you desire, however that might be the next season whoch God will use effectively to build you in prayer. Bless you brother.