You think Bitcoin is risky?

You’ve got a 2007 Chevy Impala with 3 donut tires, a “FJB” bumper sticker, and a custom subwoofer installed by your cousin who wires meth labs for side cash.

You cash your $723 biweekly paycheck at a liquor store because you’re “done with banks,” then blow half of it on Coors Banquet and a vape that glows like a carnival ride.

You spent $19.95 on a gold eagle coin replica from a TV infomercial and store your “emergency fund” in a Folgers can under your mattress next to a .38 special and a VHS of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Your idea of wealth protection is a pit bull named Ruger and two Bud Light tallboys.

Opt out of this absolute madness.