My neighbor hates trees. One of those giant useless green lawn people. Once told me they've spent around $20k removing trees from their property since they bought their house.

My new orchard is on that property line. Partially because that is where I have the space and partially because they aren't good neighbors. I want the visual screen and I want to get revenge for something they did.

Yesterday he approached me while planting.

Him: why you planting so many trees man?

Me in my most innocent tone: they're fruit trees.

Him after confused blinks: they're fruit trees?

Me: they make fruit

Him: :confused stare:

Me: you put them in your yard and you get free fruit.

Him: free fruit?

Me: Yeah, fruit is food so free food.

Him: you realize what a mess they'll be in 10 years dropping sticks everywhere?

Me: you realize they are a 30 year supply of the freshest fruit at the best prices?

He just shook his head and walked away.

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Had a neighbor ask me if they could pay someone to cut a huge tree in my garden because the tree was blocking the sun and his wife told him the clothes didn't try well.

I said "you could use that money to buy a tumble dryer".

Or maybe I said "No fucking way"

I've got an old growth monster tree they want removed, perfectly healthy tree though. They got quotes without asking me, few thousand dollars because it can't just be felled due to size and location, you'd have to limb it piece by piece from a crane.

Being like that, they offered to chip in 10%. I turned down their "generous offer", their words. So that lead to screaming profanities and throwing sticks from the yard at me. That was when I realized I really do need an orchard.

18 trees added since then. Some windbreak screening trees on one side and fruit trees down the other side. I won't be able to get to the "house not visible from any road or neighbors house" dream but I'll get as close as property layout allows.

Him after confused blinks: they're fruit trees?

Me: they make fruit

Him: confused stare

Ha ha! Please tell me this was part the real conversation and just a summary.

So real if I thought there was a non zero chance he was on nostr I wouldn't have shared it because of the self doxx.

I did my best to get the entire conversation word for word.

That is absolute gold.

NooooOoo00ooo not *sticks*!!11

I don't know what I'll do. If I had to guess I'll shred them and use them as mulch.