I'm using an old Surface Pro with 8GB of ram. Nothing else is syncing.
If you are using a Raspberry Pi 4GB, this is a known issue with no known solution: https://github.com/Start9Labs/start-os/issues/2336
We do not recommend the Pi 4GB. The 8GB should work just fine.
If this is an 8GB Pi or similarly powered device, this could happen if you are trying to sync too many things at once, like electrs, LND, or BTCPay along with Bitcoin.
Discussion
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That makes it more interesting. My guess here is that the write speed to the drive is causing a buildup of disk cache, which uses memory but wouldn't necessarily show it as being used. You're almost there.