illustrative vehicle:
the illustrative vehicle is not the tone of my experience. it is just an illustration of equation. so take it stripped of sentiment, delivery, and fourth wall breaking camera glance to get what i mean.
https://blossom.primal.net/12ab8e4a1331143f7a556c03a0ab65d83b222ec15648f0d44185d83f5c45d0d3.mov
like having a desire to have a type of job. filling out the application for the job. going there to hand it to the front desk in person. and when i do they say welcome back but im not frightened by them saying that cos conveyed in the welcome back at the exact same moment is the sense of the entire thing.
that i wouldnt have been free to come back, that i wouldnt have been able to know this was/still is intrinsic to me, my own desire on my own steam, if i had remembered i had been there before.
so the clapping wasnt: oh you somehow remembered
and wasnt 'oh we missed you welcome back', tho the sentiment of gladness was present
celebrating only that this was still intrinsically me, free and chose, with the understanding entire that it would be fine when and if it no longer is, as in, there wasnt a sense of eternity or stuck like the key and peele sketch
there was momentum and movement thru time
or the sense that i couldve not chosen twelve times, then did choose the thirteenth thru the thirtieth and seemingly never again after that until wait, the five-hundredth and eighth
a free to come, free to go
never know you ever have been until arrived once more kinda thing
you know what is so nice?
as such an aside,
the small town feeling of having a good reputation i dont remember
like wow i guess i wasnt fired or anything
welcome back anytime would hire whenever i want
like thats so nice
can we just sit with how nice that is
like worked at a coffee shop but going away to college and they are like: thanksgiving break if you are back home and want hours, they are yours
