There's an elaborate model (called the outbox model, that I don't understand btw) to help solve that problem. This mechanism makes relays connect to each other in a way I don't know yet 😅.

The main problem of nostr (including this general "ghosting" situation) is that it's largely neglected in technological terms because there almost no one programming the software seriously and reliably. Most projects today are just "vibe-coding", "hack-around" horrors.

The good thing is that this is a protocol. There can exist people with integrity at any point in time. If they

come together to make a reliable system of apps and infrastructure, they will have a huge impact in everything else nostr-related. It's sort of a critical mass that will then incentivize others to work better

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that's #gitcitadel :)

all the people in the team are the most grumpy kitties in all of nostr dev land, mostly hated, even though some of the people have contributed greatly to the whole thing actually working

the ones you are always hearing about their newest thing are narcissist trash who are not interested in actually making this work, just being seen

the tl;dr of what outbox is, is simply that users advertise their relays and mark some of them as inboxes and other users who make replies or send DMs the clients are supposed to send them to those relays to be stored

this means that users can use any relays they want rather than be confined to needing to use a small popular set that a lot of people use

That's rather a traditional problem in FOSS development.

Every dev wants to be the king of his own fiefdom - able to do anything with his code on a whim - rather than collaborate with other similarly large egos.

As an outsider, what seems necessary is a Nostr Core reference implementation project arrangement , managed by an IT project manager.