Of all the ways you could tell the story of Napoleon, Ridley Scott decided to barely bother.

Starting with the execution of Marie Antoinette, it skips right over Napoleon's journey from son of a Corsican rebel to officer in the French Army. There are no prior motifs established beyond his unshakable belief in "providence".

While we are treated to brilliant reenactments of the battle of Toulon, the coup of 18 Brumaire, and the Imperial coronation in 1804, they feel disconnected.

Zero minutes are spent on Napoleon's rise to General in Italy, or more generally, on how he won French hearts and minds to become emperor.

The fifteen year period where Napoleon dominated Europe becomes an afterthought, with no mention of Code Napoleon, perhaps his single greatest achievement.

Most grievously, the biopic only includes a single victory, at Austerlitz in 1805. A crucial battle to be sure, but this hardly does justice to one of history's greatest military leaders.

Instead, we are presented with Napoleon the cucked husband desperate for an heir, almost the only clearly discernable motif for any of his actions beyond pathology.

There are more scenes depicting Napoleon's sexual inadequacies than military accomplishments!

We are left understanding far more about why Napoleon divorced Josephine than why he became emperor, why he invaded Russia, or why we're still so fascinated by the guy 200 years later.

Count me disappointed.