I see no way to prevent anyone from storing all events and counting pubkeys seen multiple times

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Then you don't understand how Nostr works.

You do not have access to all events and the percentage of events you have access to is set to steadily shrink.

I think all nostr kinds that are meant to be private or limited audience should be (gift wrap) encrypted. Because basing privacy on relay selection seems too leaky

You can encrypt anything. Different topic from which relay to write it to.

Also, don't need relays to move notes.