You Don’t Want Revenge, You Want Justice
You don’t seek revenge—you just want justice. You want the narcissist to know they didn’t break you, that they didn’t win. You want them to realize they lost you and, in losing you, shattered their own heart.
But the truth is, they already know this better than you do. In their mind, they’ve already won: they disrupted your life, drained your finances, drove you crazy, and shattered your confidence. They’ve told everyone how "crazy" you are, and because they are charming and lack a conscience, people believe them.
And now, they’ve made you obsess over them. As long as you do, they know they still have control over you. In their twisted mind, your hatred means you still love them, and if you still love them, they can still hurt you.
It’s okay to be angry. None of this is fair. None of this is right. From the beginning, their plan was to lure you in with the fantasy of what life "could be," get you addicted to it, then discard you and move on to the next victim. And they did exactly that. It’s heartbreaking. I’m sorry you had to go through this nightmare.
You’ve been through a war zone, and there’s a high chance you’ve developed PTSD. Many of us have.
The hardest part of healing from narcissistic abuse is moving on without them. You will never get an apology, and they will never have an epiphany about the "error of their ways." You’re facing a long road to recovery from the physical, verbal, and psychological damage they caused. There will be sleepless nights. There will be good days—days when you’re grateful to be free from that relationship. But there will also be terrible days, where you wish the fantasy of "what could have been" was real.
To make matters worse, when you try to talk to friends about it, they’ll tell you to "just move on" and won’t understand why you can’t. But it’s hard to move on when you’ve lost things you loved—your home, your neighborhood, your car, your money, your friends, your lifestyle. Every future relationship will be colored by this experience. You’ll question whether you’ve let someone hurt you again.
Meanwhile, after deciding you’re no longer entertaining, your narcissistic ex has likely discarded you. Maybe they’ve already replaced you with a new source of money, energy, or sex. Maybe they still send random messages just to remind you they exist, keeping you focused on them instead of your healing. Maybe they call just to tell you how happy they are with someone new, even suggesting you should be "happy for them" because they’ve "finally found their soulmate."
Don’t believe them. Soulmates aren’t "found"—they are earned. And the narcissist only loves themselves. They’re using you to make their new victim feel like they’ve won something valuable. After all, if the narcissist weren’t so desirable, why would so many people be obsessed with them?
The truth is, narcissists aren’t happy and never will be. They only know how to appear happy. They have to. If they showed their true nature from the start, they would never find another victim.
The devil doesn’t come to you with horns, hooves, and fire—people run from danger. The devil comes disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted. How else would they convince you to follow them?
What does a narcissist fear the most? Exposure. They know their charade has an expiration date, so they create stories that paint you as the abuser, the crazy one, or the one who used them, ensuring they have someone to blame when the relationship collapses.
The best “revenge” is complete detachment from their control. The opposite of love isn’t hate—it’s indifference. When you can dream a new dream and free yourself from the fantasy they painted for you, you’ve won. When you no longer obsess over them, you’ve won. When their memory no longer haunts you, you’ve won.
The best life is a peaceful life—without drama, without them. Do whatever it takes to embrace your inner peace.
At some point, you must accept what feels like a defeat. It is what it is. The longer you resist letting go, the longer your recovery will take.
Time clears your mind and heals your broken heart—but you have to let time do its job. Some days will be better than others. Be kind to yourself.
So, what now?
Use the time you’d spend obsessing over them to educate yourself about narcissistic recovery. Validate your experience. You are not alone, and there is a way out.
Find something light and freeing—a hobby, music, books, walking, exercise—something simple you can turn to when you feel yourself slipping into obsessive thoughts. Have it ready so you can switch focus, even when you’re in your worst mood.
Get some sleep.
Learn to dream a new dream—one that doesn’t include them. Write a bucket list. Jot down what you really want from life, put it away, and revisit it from time to time. Don’t worry about who will be with you when you achieve those things—just assume it will be someone wonderful. Because you will find real love when you start doing what you love. And that kind of love is worth waiting for.
Picture something incredible, beautiful, or adventurous. Even if it takes a lifetime, work toward making that dream a reality. By the time you get there, you’ll be so grateful for your journey that you won’t care about revenge.
#narcissisticabuse
#healingstartswithyou
#tiidijanecu