I can relate. The first step is awareness. Most will live and die without ever reaching this starting point. It seems you are well positioned to weather the storm.

Let the people that will be slaves be slaves.

Let the people that will be free be free.

After all, how can you truly control anyone other than yourself?

You have a unique individual purpose and seems you are on the path to fulfilling it. Well done. Pain and suffering are a necessity. Embrace it.