Best KYC (not for you obviously, but I mention it for those wanting to get into crypto without frills) option:

Strike and usage of strike.army for LNURL generation, which makes any zaps you receive go directly to your Strike wallet; U.S. and El Salvador only.

Best non-KYC options:

Zap and SBW (Simple Bitcoin Wallet) on Android through the IzzyOnDroid repository, and F-Droid directly respectively. Both are no longer in active development, although Zap has an active fork called BitBanana not distributed through F-Droid to my knowledge.

Lightning, due to its always online nature is hard to find in most Bitcoin wallets, and I for the life of my would rather not go insane doing so myself.

This website should be of (very basic) help.

It'll also refer to wallets already mentioned here in my reply.

https://uselightning.network

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Discussion

I ran into Zap before, but it seemed to imply a need to connect to a Lightning node, and I doubt I'll be setting one up. And I'm not really sure if there's such a thing as a "Public Lightning Node" like there is with other chains/light wallets.

Public nodes I feel would be a common attack vector, but they do exist.

https://1ml.com

1ml.com seems to have info for opening channels, but I'm not finding info for connecting to a node there. Zap (and Zeus before it) seem to ask for specific config data, which I assume I'd have if I was running my own node, but I'm not.

So I either have to provision a VPS to set up my own Lightning node or else no choice but to go custodial? That's a pretty hard sell...

Welcome to the "decentralized" nature of Bitcoin, where PoS is demonized but then they've made PoW so ridiculously expensive that only corporations like Blockstream can truly benefit.

At least you can still mine Monero from a laptop or small desktop PC.