this was so stupid, my IP address had changed and my site was down

I started to "repair" things at the wrong end and broke everything

my IP practically never changes but it can do that and that is what happened

now the site is there but it doesn't update timelines

there is a postgresql process going on writing buffers, whatever that means

the site could start working when that process completes, if not I have to start a new instance

this is how it goes when you are no engineer