Replying to Avatar Laeserin

The most extreme form of this is trade-off is the submission expected of Christian wives. You gain massive amounts of leverage over the actions of one particular man, but you give up most of your direct agency and can only navigate "independently" within the bounds he sets.

That's why the most-powerful or influential women in Christian history tend to be never-married or divorced. Marriage basically takes her out of the running, and she can't "move up in rank" until and unless she is widowed, so she has to carefully consider if that's the best choice of vocation.
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Daniel Wigton 1y ago

I feel this. 6 years ago I made the decision to be the at home parent since my wife had the better job. With a 6th kid on the way, the loss of agency can be crushing.

My initial thought was that it would free up a few hours a day to make something very much like nostr. But family has a way of expanding into every available minute.

Friends and family should be a backstop to how much agency you can lose, but my family is 600 miles away, my wife's parents are aging, and I haven't managed to make lasting friends here. Someone always moves away.

But meaning and happiness aren't measured in agency, it is in surrender and giving yourself to a cause.

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Laeserin 1y ago

I only have 2 teenagers, but it seems like they've been taking turns having viruses or accidents or meltdowns or school problems all winter and spring, my husband's workplace is a constant construction site, and his weekends are spent at our construction site, so I've slowly given up any pretense at being able to work toward any major goals. Life is too chaotic. Becoming impossible to even plan anything.