I feel this. 6 years ago I made the decision to be the at home parent since my wife had the better job. With a 6th kid on the way, the loss of agency can be crushing.

My initial thought was that it would free up a few hours a day to make something very much like nostr. But family has a way of expanding into every available minute.

Friends and family should be a backstop to how much agency you can lose, but my family is 600 miles away, my wife's parents are aging, and I haven't managed to make lasting friends here. Someone always moves away.

But meaning and happiness aren't measured in agency, it is in surrender and giving yourself to a cause.