I'm truly sorry for your loss, it's heartbreaking
I'm not an addict but like you the issue is close to my heart
Not being an addict, to understand as best I can what it means to be an addict and how to become sober I listen to addicts who are sober
That's where my perspective comes from
On that we'll have to agree to disagree
I am not an addict. I have just had my life greatly affected and changed by many addicts. I smoke weed but don’t drink much anymore. I just don’t have any compassion left whatsoever. People like to celebrate their sobriety, but it’s one of the most selfish things people do and I just don’t agree with the disease aspect and that it’s worth posting online. Sober people don’t say well, here’s to 10 years of being an adult like the rest of the fucking world 🤷♂️✌️🫂
Most “sober” people still drink and have dysfunctional lives.
I find when most people believe, as you do, that it’s not a miracle to be alive and sober, it’s usually because an addict in their life hurt them deeply, as you eluded to.
You need as a much healing as any addict does, which is the miracle you would, of course, be entitled to have.
We each get our own. Staying alive and breathing gives us another day to get it.
I also often disagree with the disease model, methods of clinical diagnosis, and treatment.
The fundamental cause of addiction by my observation is avoidance of pain. (I worked in the addiction field for 4.5 years).
But the chemical aspect of addiction does take over at some point—making us chemically addicted to a substance, chemically changing our brains, and creating the suffering that boomerangs into the social problems that affect us all.
It’s a complicated issue with no easy treatment.
I’m sorry about what happened to your family and I’m sorry for your pain. I wish you healing.
And while I don’t need a cookie for staying sober, many do. The shit is hard. Life is hard. Sobriety is hard for someone who got to live a numb and painless life on the ultimate high for so long.
I would love to show you the families restored, the kids who love their sober parent, and the massive joy created in the world by addicts who have stayed sober for many years.
But I get it. I helped raise a kid who lost her parents to addiction. I’ve buried many more. I shake my fist at God, I shake my head and ask WHY DIDN’T MY LOVED ONE MAKE IT???
not everyone makes it, which is why those of us who do truly are miracles.
I agree but I’m not in need of healing as I accept what has happened and am at peace with it. Addiction is selfish and I’m just out of fucks to give about it is I guess where I’m at with it all. Just venting too 🤷♂️✌️🫂
I think most professionals in the field and credible science today supports the disease concept. the role of family DNA is a genetic disease factor
I know the chemical compounds in brain change and can swap a lot when it comes to addiction. My point is that it takes many conscious decisions to get to that point, so no I don’t feel empathy or sympathy when people selfishly make that decision on repeat, regardless of DNA and upbringing
It’s both conscious and unconscious though. Most people aren’t as self-aware as they think. Just sleep walking through life, avoiding pain.
I’m present, I do not sleep walk thru any aspect of my life anymore. But I totally wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment for sure, just not my use case is all
There’s something to the DNA thing, for sure.
There are also the behavioral concepts of growing up in a sick family system of addicts. It leaves such a mark at a young age that it hamstrings many from the get go.
If you have “the bad dna” you’re at a disadvantage. But you still have the possibility to succeed.
If you have that “bad dna” 🧬 plus adults caring for you who aren’t well
Mentally, and/or are living in active addiction, you’re very, very screwed from the start. It’s a lot to overcome but not everyone succumbs.
yeah, my mom was obsessive, including about what it appeared as money from my father. I came as an adult to understand it was her family systems before her and her own security issue
We had the double whammy of Native American blood on one side. Then a deep entrenchment of alcoholism on another… such a cultural thing being immigrants/Catholic/not speaking English… people just didn’t have help available when my grandparents and mom were growing up. I’m the first person in my family to ever get sober. (My mom didn’t drink, just was highly codependent).
