Quest. 🙏🗝️

To remove the gnawing fear of starvation, destitution, and homelessness that shadows me daily as I strive to provide for myself and my family.😳

1. Some of it is rooted in the dark season of widowhood and near destitution I experienced ten years ago, but I came through that by faith and am now better off than I was before. Why does this still haunt me?

2. Some of it is rooted in my immigrant parents, who also had this fear of losing everything over shadowing them, though they live comfortably now, they still act like they're one step away from utter ruin. Why is their fear still present in my subconscious?

3. Some of it is rooted in my own vanity and identity as the provider, and in the self-critical judgement that I still earn from one well paid professional job, rather than having a well diversified portfolio of hustle-magic. Why do I judge myself so harshly against the creator population I follow online?

4. Some of it is rooted in alt media telling me that we're all just one step away from ruin, since bitcoin success depends on the world first falling apart completely... and I'm a sucker for this kind of fear porn even as those I call NPCs are suckers for swallowing COVID fear porn. Why am I such a sucker for this alternative attention grab?

5. Some of it is rooted in a pattern where I start of hopeful and optimistic in senior corporate roles then after 3-5 years end up so jaded and cynical about incompetence and internal friction, and my own helplessness in the midst of it, knowing that executives tend to fire the person rather than solve the problem... especially the wicked problems I work on which tend to have a five year polarity. Why am I thinking about finding my next 3-5 year gig, taking the fear with me, instead of stopping and facing it head on?

Does any of that resonate with you? Have you overcome similar fears? Casting the net wide, please boost to help make the serendipitous connections... your network may hold the answer to my heart cry today.

💜🫂✨🫂💜

#asknostr