clients should not save their default relay list (kind 3) on relays at first login. clients should not save contacts of user (also, kind 3) at first login because that list is empty on day 1. the kind 3 has both of those on the same note and might be causing problems because of this I think. instead clients on day 1 need to make sure they are fetching the follow list from relays. and that should be the last saved follow list from relays saved by previous clients. then if they want they can add the relays to that same note and post back to relays. another remedy could be using 10002 as follow list and 3 for relay list but i am not sure if that is popular.