How are you ruled or controled by anyone in a free market?

Anarchy means no rulers. Minarchy means there is a limited ruling class. Oligarchy means there is a ruling group. Monarchy means a single ruler.

There is no meaningful power hierarchy in any trade relationship. Both parties are free to stop dealing with the other at any time.

The only remaining hierarchy, social status, is a completely inevitable part of society. You can't make people equally confident, equally skilled, equally funny, equally happy, equally intelligent, equally fit, equally clean, etc. All of those things (and more) matter can play a role in social status. Anything you could equalize would only cause other things to matter more. There will always be different skill levels in all things so social status is absolutely going to always exist. The flattest possible social graph is going to be one where any person is free to find (or even create) whatever they are good at, so long as doing so isn't creating a power hierarchy by politically or economically burdening anyone else. In other words, anarcho capitalism.