you first need to use relay hints to find the 10002, then check the 10002 is up to date, then get kind 0 profile and the reply, and then get if they have a nut”zap” crap to see if you want to use nutzaps, then check if they support specialized relays for the sole fucking purpose of reaction counting so on

we just need read/write and a public/private distinction

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there’s a fucking reason we have NIP-11, to announce which features a relay supports

the relay should simply say if it supports DMs or not or whatever, or even that isn’t needed. try and see, if it fails you wasted like. 5KB of data