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Hard to say honestly. I think we just have a lot of plans and also work to make things fun. I try to think a lot about being the one that brings fun to the table. It’s not that hard to turn mundane things into funny things with just the tiniest bit of play thrown in.

I think there is a major element too of not letting your partner’s anxiousness or frustration become the source of your emotional state. Don’t mirror them. Turn it around.

Example: my wife had to go to the DMV the other day, and she is not only an introvert, but hates the govt and stupid processes with a passion, so she was NOT happy. And I just kept laughing in a “picking on you” way that she had to go stand with a bunch of strangers to wait in line for the opportunity to deal with the govt, and she couldn’t resist. She ended up giggling at my amusement before going to get in line.

Don’t agree for the sake of agreement, poke fun, disagree about which movies and songs are good, be honest and don’t be insecure.

Disagreement is the lowest cost way to have fun if done playfully. She likes the purple drink? Of course you do, purple is the dumbest drink they’ve got. And just never stop I guess. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I don’t know, that’s just part of how I think about it. Might just all depend on the person you’re with, but I just think finding ways to make mundane things fun is a major part of it, or everything will just stay mundane. And most of life is if you don’t bring a little spice with you 😆

StackSats.IO 6mo ago

This is spot on.

You’ve got to find the subtle ways to poke fun at your missus and also, to cop it when she gives it back.

This though, is king-level reframing. Putting her in a frame that is better for her and you even with other people than you.

She doesn’t want to be miserable; she will absolutely take your reframing and play your game rather than sit there and brew in other people’s shit as a preferable option and if you can make something shitty like going to the DMV, less shitty for her, she’s going to love you. Hard.

Blokes think they have to wear an entire period and solve her every problem, every time. No.

Just get her in a new frame. One you control. She’s comfortable there. She will pick that over the unknown. She will look to you for the lowest level of reassurance which will cost you nothing. She would rather play your dumb game any day than just deal with bureaucracy, you just have to give it to her.

We do this with children all the time but noticing the same thing works on women is apparently bad. It’s not. It’s how you have a healthy relationship - she would rather you be in charge than some fucking bureaucrat, and she’ll do the work in her own mind to make that so even if you’re not.

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Discussion

MAHDOOD 6mo ago

Reframing it in a fun way works for me too lol that’s what your best friend does. He makes a joke out of your misery and then you laugh about it together.

StackSats.IO 6mo ago

Yes for guys this is an easy thing to do with other guys. With women, the protection instinct kicks in and they act like they have to solve her problems.

But you can’t solve all her problems.

She has to go to the DMV. It’s gonna suck for her. She knows that, you know that, but you can’t solve that.

But you can make it less shitty for her. That’s what you can solve and she will be super happy with just that, as small as it seems, if you can make her shit seem less shitty, that’s the kind of partnership women value.

You’re going to wear shit just for her; women prefer when everyone is covered in it, and not just her. No-one else cares if you’re covered in shit so just take your lumps, this one is worth it!