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I've read his book which is really good.

Dude understood relationships so well, he could predict with like 85-90% accuracy whether a couple was likely to make it in 10 years just by listening to their conversation for like 30 seconds. Wild!

SoupBox 1y ago

Yeah, these are all on my list:

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver - This book offers insights into what makes relationships successful and emphasizes the importance of communication and emotional connection.

"Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller - This book discusses attachment styles and how they affect relationships, highlighting the importance of understanding each partner's emotional needs.

"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman - Chapman explores the different ways people express and receive love, emphasizing the need for partners to understand each other's love languages for a healthy relationship.

"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson - This book focuses on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and provides strategies for couples to strengthen their emotional bond and improve communication.

"Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel - Perel examines the complexities of desire and intimacy in long-term relationships, discussing how to maintain passion while fostering a secure emotional connection.

"The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John Gottman - This book provides practical advice on improving emotional connections and communication in various types of relationships.

"The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship" by Don Miguel Ruiz - Ruiz explores the concept of love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-love and understanding in creating healthy connections with others.

"You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment" by Thich Nhat Hanh - While not solely focused on relationships, this book emphasizes mindfulness and being present, which can enhance emotional connections and understanding in relationships.

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Discussion

Kevin 1y ago

Seven principles was great.

The only other one I read was "Happily Ever After" by Gary Chapman.

It was good, however, I disagreed with him on a few points. The longer I go on, I also disagree with five love languages. Whereas it's a good place to start, I don't think it really fits everything. I think it more shows you where you were deficient as a child... But in a marriage you need them all.

Nevertheless was a good launching point to understanding yourself.

SoupBox 1y ago

How did you get into these books? Was it your wife who iniated these deep dives into relationship building?

Kevin 1y ago

No. I read those before I met her. Because someone once told me, "if you want something, what are you doing to prepare for it? If you want to be married, shouldn't you read books on marriage BEFORE you get married? If you want to be a parent, shouldn't you do research BEFORE you have children?"

Once phrased like that, it's kind of obvious.

SoupBox 1y ago

That is awesome that you took that initiative. Your wife is very lucky woman if you can apply teaching methods to build a stronger foundation with her. Love it.

I was watching a tarot reading yesterday, and let me sum up the lesson of the reading as best I can...

If you meet someone that is elevated spiritually and you haven't done the work to elevate yourself, the relationship will not be successful. You need to meet the person on their level. A spiritually evolved person will not tolerate your bullshit. Do the work on yourself.

Kevin 1y ago

Correct. Or in other words, you can't EXPECT a certain kind of person if you aren't that kind of person YOURSELF.

You're screening for and auditioning for the single most important relationship in your life. Are you qualified for what you're looking for?

I wanted to be qualified. I'm not perfect, nobody is... But I can be perfect for her, and she can be perfect for me.

SoupBox 1y ago

facts.

Kristen 1y ago

I've read all of these books and I love them. I am a huge John Gottman fan. I'm not sure If you're in a relationship, but they're book Eight Dates is amazing for couples in relationships. My husband and I reread it and do the dates every couple years.

SoupBox 1y ago

I am not in a relationship. When I get in a relationship, I will probably do the same thing. Thanks for the recommendation.