Only sending updates would require the server to be able to sign the list on your behalf.

The whole point of nostr is to transfer control from server to the user.

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I think nostr:npub1mmwcn367jw2g8c48y70975grw6jrhet2pshukxe872yzh3wmt7tq4qaum2 is suggesting not having a list at all.

Yeah I was thinking something like https://github.com/vitorpamplona/nips/blob/relationship-status/81.md I'm definitely new and still learning the protocol in's and outs!