Relays definitely need to do a better job, but clients can also handle this by implementing a sats requirement to show DMs. Want to DM me? Send me some sats first (however much I specify). Client verifies the transaction and lets the DM through.
I like this sort of solution. #[3] is working on this solution for Nostream.
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Sorry for the duplicate response. The first one didn't show up so I thought something went wrong.
The client could check the relay info and let DMs through for paid relays while restricting public ones via the sats requirement.