First you and I are ultimately in agreement here but I think a less confusing metaphor would be

It’s like going to a restaurant that can make anything as long as it follows food safety laws (consensus)

If you’re a miner, you literally have access to the kitchen and say over what gets made altogether- because you purchased the ingredients and run the show

Standardness on nodes is like the restaurant saying “we have a menu because it makes our kitchen run smoothly” (but technically if you are the kitchen staff you’re not limited) as a customer you are limited but you could also put in a special order it just might get messed up or slow or expensive or something (out of band tx)

And if you’re running knots you’re saying “I’m gluten free- gluten anywhere near me will make me die please only serve me very gluten free food” but you’re in a restaraunt full of things made from flour so while they might say “this is gluten free” it’s probably not