I hope you're being sarcastic but you really shouldn't joke when it comes to privacy and security. Nostr DMs, the way they're currently implemented in most clients, are simply unsafe. NIP-04 and NIP-44 don't provide forward secrecy, break-in recovery, deniability (if either sender or recipient is compromised, or wants to prove a message was sent), or post-quantum cryptography. GiftWraps appear to do a good job at protecting DM metdata from public view, but not the server operators.