how does fabricating such rumors even help bitcoin at all? it's just so dumb - sure all the largest tech companies are coordinating secretly to buy bitcoin in secret at the same exact time.

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They said "in silence", not a secret coordination.

My guess is the 90 days refer to https://www.coindesk.com/business/2024/01/10/bitcoin-etf-listings-will-be-quick-but-money-flows-could-take-months-21shares-co-founder/ -> "It takes at least 90 days for money managers to process additions to their list of approved allocations."