Like you’re overly focused on your internal perception of the location of the end places of your body.

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Ahh, I do that. Is it bad? I think it helps heal faster, but I could just be drinking my own coolaide

I dunno I just tried to describe what you’re experiencing. I hope you get more

Comfortable with the sensation though

I might try wrapping twine around the handle. A thicker handle might fix the grossness

If you do you might consider waxing the twine (hemp) a bit too so it's not so damn rough and eventualy your hand oil will make it nice.