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We're coming up to the edge of my knowledge of scientific evidence about affirming treatments. I can only refer to pieces written by parents, researchers, and whistleblowers; and logical arguments to support my viewpoint, which is decidedly against the trans movement. Now it's my turn to be ramble on, haha.

My theory is that there is no relief from gender affirming treatments that cannot be better gotten by traditional psychological therapy, self-love, building mental fortitude, and improving family relations. Being in a situation where you're forced to Be A Man (tm) when you really just want to draw is unfortunate, but if that kid enters a clinic and is diagnosed with gender dysphoria rather than as a child of a parent with a potential personality disorder, I think that's a violation of Do No Harm. The former has physical risks that are unrelated to the problem at hand and may even make the child's home life worse.

At the end of the day, my views exist solely to inform my actions. I would be the voice against gender affirming care if it came up with someone I have any responsibility for, regardless of how brutal the backlash to that view would be. Because the risks outweigh the benefits and there are safer, noninvasive, and productive routes that are already well established in psychological treatment.

techfeudalist 2y ago

Gender is the way that all animals, humans included, market ourselves to potential mates. Gender displays and behavior are really just nonverbal communication saying, “Choose me! I can provide safety, security, or help you raise a family."

Gender doesn’t seem to be an optional social construct. It’s role in sexual attraction is likely ancient and innate. Presumably our ancestors raised more successful children when they chose mates with certain physical and behavioral characteristics. Over the millennia those became deeply hardwired in us.

I came across this article a while back. 👇 The author recounts trying to two friends get dates. These two friends are popular gender nonconforming femmes - ie. feminine males. The author later realizes that few people are attracted to them:

“Nonbinary femmes like them are too masc for the straights, too femme for the gays, and too out for nearly everyone else.”

The article helped me understand that people can choose to be “gender non-conforming”, but that just reduces the pool of potential high quality partners.

Someone can be nonconforming, and change what they do and how they look, but they can’t change how others perceive them.

Your choice of life partner drastically affects your long term success and happiness. Whether you’re straight or gay, if your desired partner is attracted to a masculine person, it probably won’t be a successful strategy to present as feminine, and vice versa. It seems like the best strategy would be to work hard, become the best person you can be, and expand your options.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/wjq99z/why-cant-my-famous-gender-nonconforming-friends-get-laid

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Discussion

river 2y ago

Interesting theory. I've never heard of the concept of gender being extended to animals and for the purpose of mating, but even if that were the case, I don't know how we would say that those are biological realities necessarily because they have shifted culturally over time. Expectations of what is feminine and masculine have changed as well as the interest or preference for certain presenting types of people versus others have definitely shifted cross-culturally and there are a plethora of various gender expressions across the world historically and in the present day.

I do find myself facing some difficulty matching with people on dating apps because of my genderfluid expression, but I chalk that up to my area. Honestly, I live in a very conservative area.

While I do take enjoyment out of other people noticing my presentation, I do it primarily for myself. I just like subverting gender expectations overall. I just find it an enjoyable act.

techfeudalist 2y ago

Yes, all animals look and act a certain way to attract mates. You see refined gender displays in birds, presumably because birds socialize in flocks, creating abundant choice. Individuals are forced to evolve specialized gender displays in an attempt to stand out.

Bower birds with their elaborate architectural constructions:

https://blog.nature.org/2021/01/04/bowerbirds-meet-the-bird-worlds-kleptomaniac-love-architects/

Birds of paradise courtship dance spectacle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWfyw51DQfU

It’s the same with humans.

Listen to what this woman says:

https://www.tiktok.com/@lonerwithyou/video/7279190022698454278

She’s talking about traditional masculine gender display: “Chivalrous … wants to pay on the first date, wants to take care of you, to provide…”. She’s seeking security. She observes that men in her community of liberals don’t display these traits making it hard for her to find a suitable partner.

I agree that cultural shifts have occurred. Some of these shifts are minor (say, wearing dresses vs pants), while others are significant (men unable to provide security), like with the woman above. With the latter, you can see how economic changes are leading men to be less desirable in places like Japan which is leading to a decline in marriage.

https://www.nippon.com/en/features/c05604/

Anyway, my point is to not sabotage yourself. My hunch is that it’s not just your local area. You will, of course, expand the dating pool if you move to a larger city, but your matches there will be (how to say this nicely) … unstable. People who are stable and confident want to find partners who are also stable and confident. Do you want a stable and confident partner? Then consider what you’re communicating to the world.

Again, gender is not a self-centric concept. I worry that what you perceive as “subverting” is just undermining yourself. It’s like giving someone the gift of a phone with a smashed screen, or serving rotten food to your guests for dinner. It’s not about you, it’s about how others perceive you.

I understand the motivation. I think everyone has this part inside them that says “F..it, I’m not going to play this stupid game.” It’s unfair. Some people win the genetic lottery and others don’t. I think everyone, at some point, wants to take their ball and go home. Yeah, the system sucks but trying to “exit”, reduces your quality dating pool and increases your risk of being miserable for a long time. Humans can build a different reality for themselves. The better solution, IMHO, is to build yourself better. Proof of work.

Good luck! ✌️

river 2y ago

You make some interesting points and I’ll have to check out that video and that article.

I agree that humans have the capacity to build a different reality for themselves. We certainly aren’t shackled by biology, we have our beliefs and values and things we care about outside of reproduction.

For myself? Ofcourse I want to signal and attract some reasonable level of stability. I don’t think myself wearing a skirt or makeup occasionally is reason for someone to doubt my stability. I don’t think I should be perceived as any lesser for such minor changes to myself. I

I am not complaining about people not swiping on me. I already have an amazing partner and I’m just looking for friends. People can have their preferences but I do wish that there would be an openness to engage with people who are different than them.