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Why freedom parenting is also great biohack

In my previous post, I wrote about how having children is one of the best natural biohacks you can experience. But this biohack can be taken even further when it comes to parenting itself, especially if you choose to raise your child with freedom (Freedom parenting, Unschooling, etc.). After making such a decision (and doing some research), you'll find that the only thing you can do to even slightly influence and guide your child's development is through your own self-improvement (and that is the biohack for you)

In a parenting style where you have almost no prohibitions, commands, and often even no evaluations in your parental arsenal, self-improvement is the best and most effective way to guide your child, at least to some degree (and especially non-violently). The only thing you can do is be a great partner and inspiration to them in life. Rather than forming them by banning all bad things, you create an environment where there is no demand for them.

So you don't end up like many parents who project onto their children what they could never be and try to shape them into their dream perfect human being through the position of a police officer using violence. You simply have to BECOME what you want to project onto your child (if you want to project anything). You must become the perfect human being that you so admire and not expect the child to become it for you. And after you succeed, it's up to your child to decide what to take from you.

melissa 2y ago

I love this. Yes, working on ourselves is so important to raise our children well. Although I'm not sure about the 'must become the perfect human being' part. I would suggest we are already perfect with all our imperfections/as we are, and just continue to appreciate the great progress we continue to make 🧡💛

We don't want to set an expectation of perfection on our littles. This can make for super unhappy people, for if we, as parents aren't happy with who we are, then that will be the projection to our littles. 😊

And we definitely do want to show children that we are ok with being wrong, we can apologise and forgive. This is what I show my children and they are very understanding when I mess up as a parent. Unschool worldschool and homeschool is such a massively rewarding way to raise children. It's great to meet you here 👋🙏🏼🙌🧡💛

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Discussion

Karel od Martiny 2y ago

Hello.

Thank you for your great comment, which nicely explains the part where I failed a little (after all, I am not a perfect human being, right? :) ).

I completely agree and apologize for how it came across. I think I got carried away with how good and provocative the statement would sound and forgot that it could cause confusion.

You are right, that it is very important to remember that not expecting perfection from our children may not always be enough. If a person toxicly expects perfection from themselves, they will set an example for their children and in the end transfer that "perfect human" expectation onto them anyway (because, as you say, they learn those behaviors from us).

However, I believe that there might be a healthy striving for personal perfection. And by this, I do not mean perfection in some general standard or as portrayed in pop culture (which doesn't really exist), but rather perfection in one's own standards, or perhaps in the internal standards of a family. Maybe it is precisely because of this striving that it is more obvious for a person to apologize if they make a mistake. Because if they did not even try to achieve any personal perfection, not much would seem like a "mistake" to them.

For example: I believe that my perfect self should not raise my voice or curse, and in case I slip up, I will come and apologize to everyone. If I did not believe that I wanted to be the ideal image of my own self (non-confrontational and not vulgar), then why would I have a reason to apologize at all?

Maybe the missunderstanding might be in the word "perfection", which is too strong and demonized (especially in connection with kids) and maybe I should just use "better self" or "ideal self". What do you think? Did I get your comment right?

melissa 2y ago

Haha yes 🙌 Perfection is in the growth. I agree with all of this 😍

It's something in the not willing to be complacent, wanting to continually acknowledge the growth that happened but also then assessing where the next opportunity to expand might be. This is absolutely true for me too. 🙌

While I'm not aiming for perfect, I feel that I'm perfect as I am (with the imperfections) yet not willing to just stagnate at this level that I achieved. I'm always evolving. And I'm always questioning. Because maybe I'm wrong about something, and there is always a great learning opportunity if I'm willing to let that in. 🧡

So good to be connected and I love having chats like these 💯🔥