Do clients also query the relays a user you follow has defined?

Say I only post to my relay, where only my npub is whitelisted for write. But has public read.

Say you follow me, does your client fetch my notes from my relay? Or are my notes then invisible to you, if you didnt manually add my relay in your client config? Even thoug you follow me...

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Clients like Jumble and others that use the outbox model to fetch the following feed will do this.

But most clients don't then? Is this outbox model part of some nip? Any idea about what the general consensus among client developers is on this? If I understand correctly its quite an important property in the sense of distributing content among relays, encouraging self hosted relays...etc

I'm not sure which clients are doing this as well, since it's not a mandatory requirement. This approach is definitely not as efficient as fetching directly from a few relays, but I think it's necessary for a decentralized network. I strongly encourage everyone to self-host relays, and I've even developed a relay that can be easily run by non-developers: https://github.com/CodyTseng/nostr-relay-tray

Does it really slow things down that much? Lets say I post 5 notes a day and have a personal relay, this relay will be much faster to respond than some big relay with a huge database, or is just the client having to connect to another socket that slows things down that much? Where does the slowness really come from?

If I'm following 1000 people, and each person only posts notes to their own personal relay, I would need to connect to 1000 relays to get my following feed.

What about a personal caching relay? Does that exist? So your personal relay is online anyway, cant it monitor your follow list and cache that, so when you open the client on your phone it just needs to fetch your relay. In this case your personal relay is actually acting as a client in a way. Sorry if Im asking stupid questions, been here for a good week, just trying to grasp this...

I couldn't agree more with your idea. This is one of the reasons why I developed nostr-relay-tray and jumble. nostr-relay-tray can now enable non-developers to run a personal relay easily, and it can be accessed from the Internet without any configuration. The next version will support automatically pulling events from people you follow. Then nostr-relay-tray will become the personal caching relay you mentioned. And it can be browsed easily with jumble.

That's amazing, will take some time to test out your nostr-relay-tray and jumble. I think you are going in the right direction with all this.

Thank you! Feel free to reach out to me anytime if you encounter any issues.