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But for example, if someone does something against you, and you slap them or something, I don't think you should be charged with assault for that.

The problem with that sort of pre-fight tit-for-tat is that many times it's never really clear who did what first. Even when you've got witnesses, there's a different story from everyone, and it just isn't clear who the true instigator is. I think the best you can do is treat it as a regular interaction. People who were clearly defending themselves get a pass, but if it's one guy who starts it, but the other guy retaliates, they both get their wrists slapped. I think it's the only fair way to handle it.

Yeah that's a valid point.