Why not just get a cheap VPS and tunnel your home setup through that?

I am not the most tech savvy and that is just the simplest way I think I have found to get around a lot of dumb issues with all of this.

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yep that was my resolution earlier this week.

keep the nodes at home, put LNBits and other services that would benefit from easier external access and better uptime on a VPS, set the VPS up with Tor to talk to my LAN. (bonus points: can now easily host some onion services)

Why Tor instead of Wireguard for a static tunnel home when you control both endpoints?

dunno, easier? I've never used WireGuard manually. Umbrel LN and Bitcoin nodes are already doing Tor out of the box.

I'll look it though! been meaning to learn WireGuard

looking into a bit - WireGuard on the Umbrel would involve installing it via SSH just on underlying Debian OS that Umbrel runs on. I strongly distrust that or my own knowledge of Umbrel's ideosyncracies wrt rewriting network configs after updates, not bringing up network interfaces on reboots, etc. I've been burned by this aspect of Umbrel before and it's exactly the kind of thing I'm trying to get away from.

It feels safest to "just use the Umbrel the way it was designed - don't fuck with its guts" and then do everything I want outside of it.

Because if I'm going to do massive surgery on the Umbrel then at that point it would just be more straightforward to rawdog a Bitcoin and Lightning node on a basic linux box at home.

Wireguard is just an "app" on Umbrel

oh I didn't realize it was available that way! That changes everything

You are gonna love it. Wireguard vs tor is like an F1 car vs a go cart for speed.

I'm wrong!