Just like Bitcoin, you should generate the private key (the 32 bytes), from the words, not the words from the private key. Bip-39 feeds the words as a string into a PBKDF2 using SHA-512, which provides the master seed for HD wallets (64 bytes). So whether it's 12, 17, 24, or 102 words, it will all work, however any more words then 12 doesn't add any extra security.
Btw, why not implement a Bip-32 like hit hierarchical deterministic nostr accounts? This way you could have the master account that can access it's subordinate accounts.