A narcissist is not capable of nurturing genuine feelings for a person as a whole. To truly care about someone, you have to accept that every part of that person forms a complete human being. Most people naturally take in someone’s actions, talents, flaws, and traits as a collective “soul” that makes them a unique individual. We tend to struggle with separating and isolating the characteristics of someone we care about because we’re drawn to the whole person and value them for everything they are.
A narcissist, however, cannot perceive an individual as a whole. Their mind automatically breaks you into segments. They see each piece of your worth and personality as separate parts, and each one is judged based on the value it could bring to the narcissist if they “owned” it. Their inability to see people holistically makes genuine emotional attachment impossible, because they never truly see the people around them. A human being is a deeply nuanced collection of traits and experiences that are constantly shifting and developing, merging into one singular identity. The best analogy for the difference in perception between a narcissist and an average person is comparing it to your favorite novel: narcissists see only the words, while the rest of us see the entire story.
Because their minds are wired this way, a narcissist cannot form sincere feelings for anyone. Their emotions are intensely focused on certain parts of you, and those parts are treated as objects. Every piece of you is assigned a value based on what it can offer them. By dissecting the essence of a person and assigning worth to each part like separate objects, the narcissist naturally devalues the person as a whole.
Narcissists also have other traits that make it confusing to understand what they feel for you. They tend to be extremely self-centered, placing themselves at the center of their own universe and constantly seeking to improve that universe in any way possible. They are obsessed with controlling everything that touches their world and are masters of manipulation and deceit. They carry an unhealthy sense of entitlement and a dangerous compulsion to have more and to be superior to anyone who enters their domain. Their view of reality is narrow, leaving no room for anything that doesn’t fit their own perspective. What is most alarming is their complete lack of empathy or remorse for the people they hurt in their pursuit of dominance.
This lack of emotion, their tendency toward dishonesty, and their need to control and possess everything within their reach create a dangerous person. A narcissist is capable of observing and mimicking emotions and traits they do not actually feel, and they can quickly transform into whatever you need in order to pull you into their illusion. This act may look convincing for a while, but it’s not sustainable. Anyone who has ever had an intimate relationship with a narcissist tells the same story: it begins beautifully, too good to be true, and then slowly shifts as the narcissist starts shaping and controlling you. Everything accelerates once they begin to dominate and hurt you. Eventually, you find yourself trapped in a cycle of soul-crushing abuse. The real monster behind the mask emerges, but by then you are stuck — broken, frightened, and too confused to know how to escape.
The narcissist makes it clear that they “own” you now, and that you’ll be crushed if you don’t fall in line. They are not bluffing. You start to believe you are worthless, that you need to fix yourself, or even help the narcissist “heal” so you can bring back the version of them you once cared about. But the truth is, that person never existed. It was a mirage — a performance crafted by a predator to target you. It felt too good to be true because it never was.
Be certain of this: they do not feel anything for you. They may have strong feelings about certain parts of you, but those feelings are rooted in their own selfish desires, not in who you are as a person.
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