Subnostr

one thing that's challenging when you're having deep conversations with people is that you can end up seeing potential in them that doesn't agree with how they self-identify.

suppose you're talking to an engineer and you realise that their personality type is a better fit for teaching.

and they're already in the middle of an engineering career, but you can't suddenly just tell people who they are...

Thorwegian (old account) 2y ago

people will usually not significantly alter their self-image unless there is a traumatic event that wipes it out, such as what happened with me in 2020 and i had to start with a blank slate.

so even if you - the friend or adviser or caring parent - can see the outline of who a person could be, they'd probably reject it if you actually told them.

people will very quickly form self-images based on what their surroundings are telling them, and once formed, it will only change slowly with time.

there are fast ways of reshaping a self-image but they're cruel and unethical.

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Thorwegian (old account) 2y ago

so, what about my own self-image which was shattered in 2020?

for me, the rebuild began with writing down a list of very general things that make me happy or motivate me.

i was in a very lost place at the time, having little sense of who i was, but values are about what you feel, not who you think you are, so you can examine those even if you know nothing else.

here was the list i wrote:

- Understanding, confidence, valuation, belonging, respect, recognition, admiration

- Mastery, creativity, learning, discovery, innovation, problem solving

- Justice, truth, objectivity, predictability, regularity, clarity, safety

- Beauty, shape, colour, fantasy, mystique, nature, music, spirit, soul

- Peace, calm, quiet

- Freedom, mobility

- Romance

the list was written in June 2020, right around the time when i was having my breakdown. it still reads like a list of things i consider important even now, 3 years later.