Subnostr

people will usually not significantly alter their self-image unless there is a traumatic event that wipes it out, such as what happened with me in 2020 and i had to start with a blank slate.

so even if you - the friend or adviser or caring parent - can see the outline of who a person could be, they'd probably reject it if you actually told them.

people will very quickly form self-images based on what their surroundings are telling them, and once formed, it will only change slowly with time.

there are fast ways of reshaping a self-image but they're cruel and unethical.

Thorwegian (old account) 2y ago

so, what about my own self-image which was shattered in 2020?

for me, the rebuild began with writing down a list of very general things that make me happy or motivate me.

i was in a very lost place at the time, having little sense of who i was, but values are about what you feel, not who you think you are, so you can examine those even if you know nothing else.

here was the list i wrote:

- Understanding, confidence, valuation, belonging, respect, recognition, admiration

- Mastery, creativity, learning, discovery, innovation, problem solving

- Justice, truth, objectivity, predictability, regularity, clarity, safety

- Beauty, shape, colour, fantasy, mystique, nature, music, spirit, soul

- Peace, calm, quiet

- Freedom, mobility

- Romance

the list was written in June 2020, right around the time when i was having my breakdown. it still reads like a list of things i consider important even now, 3 years later.

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Thorwegian (old account) 2y ago

making a list of your core values forces you to connect with your own emotions more, because you have to think back to moments that you enjoyed and figure out what elements they had in common.

making this list of values made it more clear to me what had made me so unhappy with my job overall life situation prior to 2020.

my life at the time was very poorly matched to anything that actually made me happy. i was a software developer, which does overlap with *some* of my core values, but far from enough of them, and i had little going on in my life outside of my job.

i'm somewhat closer to seeing which direction these values could take me in professionally, but the path there should also tick off some of the boxes, or the plan won't be realistic to execute.